I feel so physically and mentally drained right now! I literally wish I could spend a week in bed sleeping!!!! I wish I felt normal and energetic! Feeling very sorry for myself
When does it stop???
Put on so much weight and I’m trying so hard but just feel fat and gross ive done about 10 days no purging and I feel like shit! I know it’s better for me but feeling like the Michelin man ain’t the one!
I just wanna cry be sick and take a million laxatives to rid me of this mess ive become…
Unbeatable headaches…
Think it’s time to fast for a little while! I can’t cope with the headaches that purging brings on at the moment! My head literally feels like it’s gonna explode! It hurts so so so much! Although I think it’s a mixture of purging and anxiety! Oh to feel “normal” again….
Vicious circle….
Like I do every Sunday! I’m sat telling myself this week will be different, I’ll get up tomorrow eat healthily all day, do an hour in the gym and go to bed with a day free of purging and laxatives! And I’ll probably get up tomorrow and do all of that… But it’ll get to 4-5pm I’ll have a packet of crisps followed by something ridiculously unhealthy for dinner and the circle will begin! As soon as my last mouthful hits my stomach I’ll be in the bathroom stickin my fingers down my throat until my stomach is empty of everything and then I’ll swallow 6 laxatives before bed incase Ive left anything behind! I hate this sooo much! New mindset needed…
Flat…
Got up feeling very flat today! Dunno what’s wrong with me just not feelin myself! Bad nights sleep, hip pain and a headache from hell! Probably the main reason why! And then I’ve eaten far too much, have attempted purging but my stomach hurts soooo soooo much! So it’s bed with 8 laxatives and nil by mouth tomorrow! I hope my mood lifts tomorrow!
Suppressing my appetite…
Soooo… I suffer with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis! And one of the side affects to that is joint, muscle pain and arthritis! With the weather bein sooo cold it’s worse than ever so I’ve been put on strong painkillers! So far I have not eaten a thing today just coffee and water… I reckon if I can go a few days like this then I’ll be able to get back into the habit of not eating and then I won’t need to purge! It’s an awful way to look at it but at the moment it seems to be the best way!
Nightmares??? Paralysed by fear!
I’m suffering quite badly with nightmares at the moment and my headaches are unbearable (common when purging is at its worst)! I can’t wait to go to sleep where my body is so drained but at the same time I’m fearful and anxious of my dreams! I quite often wake up sweating and literally paralysed by fear! I’ve woken myself screaming and have woken in tears! I love bedtime but this is killing
it…
Does anyone else experience this with Mia?
Taking its toll… Raw knuckles
The last week has defo taken its toll my body is weak, my face puffy, my knuckles raw and my head in pieces! I wish I could block the voice out I wish I could eat and not feel plagued with guilt or the nausea that automatically appears now every time I eat something I know I shouldn’t! It’s like my stomach has an automatic dislike to calories and fat!
I pray to be free of Mia and the hold she has over me but my need to be skinny is so much more!
Every secret I know….
In so much pain! Pulled a muscle in my back retching yesterday and I’m suffering with another kidney infection! Feeling very drained and emotional! Plus side is the painkillers are suppressing my appetite strictly stuck to juice today! But laying wide awake now over thinking everything and wishing more than anything that I felt normal again before all this! Night times are defo the worst…
Headache from hell
Purging has been awful the last few days! The more I think about stopping the more I feel I need to do it! But I’m feelin the side effects, my knuckles are raw, my throats killing me, I’ve had awful acid reflux and my head feels like I’ve been beaten with a sledge hammer! Oh to be normal….
I have 2 stone to lose! I can’t give up yet!
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